As Molli sat on her little Elmo potty and fiddled around, I grew impatient with her for playing with the toilet lid. I repeatedly told her to quit messing with it until I finally raised my voice at her and said "Molli, stop it."
Her heart was broken.
As she cried and told me how sad she was, she said, "I sowee" (I'm sorry)
My heart melts every time I hear those little words- whether she is crying them or not! My heart instantly forgives her.
These are the things that went through my mind as I hugged her on that little Elmo potty and then I thought to myself, "wow. I wonder if that is how the Lord is with his disobedient children that He loves so much. Does His heart melt when his babies surrender to him and say they're sorry?" I bet so.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Spilling my Heart Out..
I'm not even sure where to begin or what to even title this post. I just know that this is on my heart so heavily! So.. I'm going to just pour my heart out.
A few weeks ago, I read Max Lucado's It's Not About Me. (I know that I have already blogged about that.. But please bear with me!) In the chapter titled "My struggles are about Him", Max talked about John 9:1-5
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." (John 9:1-5 NIV)"
That hit me like a ton of bricks. (or so I thought)
WELL, this week, my mother and I were discussing Molli and her progress that she has made. My mom said something along the lines of, "I just don't understand why babies are born this way. I mean, why even make them that way at all? I just don't understand it." and I was quick to share with her John 9:1-5. I actually had my bible out in my lap in the car while she was driving us to my sister's house and I read that to her. Then, as I read "..so that the works of God might be displayed in him" a tidal wave of His spirit rushed over me and I saw (in my mind) a video of Molli walking in her walker with her therapist. Then I exclaimed to my mother, "so that the works of God might be displayed in him!!! Look at Molli! When people see her standing and walking in that video, they see a MIRACLE from GOD!! He does not think like us! I, personally, think it is an awesome honor for Molli to be such a vessel!" and she agreed. My point is, people all over this country have seen pictures of her and have seen the videos that I have posted and seen what miracles God has done! How can we look at her and not see Him??
Today, during church, our Sunday school lesson and sermon were out of Psalm 139 because it is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I was given this verse before Molli was born. She has this verse hanging in her room. This is my "Molli verse"! We were shown a presentation from Hope Pregnancy Center to provide awareness of the ministry and of the devastating facts of abortions done each year in the U.S.
This ministry is here to provide counseling, awareness, and ministering to pregnant women who may or may not be considering abortion. This message really impacted me. ((I cried the whole service)). I remember being pregnant, scared, and uncertain of what was going on inside of me. I remember finding out that something was wrong with my baby. I remember Ryan's tears, raw emotions, and the punching of steering wheels in anger and confusion. I also remember saying no to an amniocentesis. I remember being asked if abortion was an option.
Does THIS child look like she needed to be aborted??????!!!! Why did I even have that choice???! I thank God for us choosing to keep her. She is such a ball of light in this dark world to all of us!
Back to me (bawling in pew). I heard the Lord say, "THIS is where you need to be.". I need to be there for these lost, confused, and scared women to show them and tell them that there is different way! The doctors aren't the ones who know what their babies are capable of! "But there is a God in Heaven.." Who does!!
Father God, please forgive of the opportunities that you lay out for me that I do not always cease. Help me to be Your hands and feet so that I can bring honor to Your name. I love you. Amen.
A few weeks ago, I read Max Lucado's It's Not About Me. (I know that I have already blogged about that.. But please bear with me!) In the chapter titled "My struggles are about Him", Max talked about John 9:1-5
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." (John 9:1-5 NIV)"
That hit me like a ton of bricks. (or so I thought)
WELL, this week, my mother and I were discussing Molli and her progress that she has made. My mom said something along the lines of, "I just don't understand why babies are born this way. I mean, why even make them that way at all? I just don't understand it." and I was quick to share with her John 9:1-5. I actually had my bible out in my lap in the car while she was driving us to my sister's house and I read that to her. Then, as I read "..so that the works of God might be displayed in him" a tidal wave of His spirit rushed over me and I saw (in my mind) a video of Molli walking in her walker with her therapist. Then I exclaimed to my mother, "so that the works of God might be displayed in him!!! Look at Molli! When people see her standing and walking in that video, they see a MIRACLE from GOD!! He does not think like us! I, personally, think it is an awesome honor for Molli to be such a vessel!" and she agreed. My point is, people all over this country have seen pictures of her and have seen the videos that I have posted and seen what miracles God has done! How can we look at her and not see Him??
Today, during church, our Sunday school lesson and sermon were out of Psalm 139 because it is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I was given this verse before Molli was born. She has this verse hanging in her room. This is my "Molli verse"! We were shown a presentation from Hope Pregnancy Center to provide awareness of the ministry and of the devastating facts of abortions done each year in the U.S.
This ministry is here to provide counseling, awareness, and ministering to pregnant women who may or may not be considering abortion. This message really impacted me. ((I cried the whole service)). I remember being pregnant, scared, and uncertain of what was going on inside of me. I remember finding out that something was wrong with my baby. I remember Ryan's tears, raw emotions, and the punching of steering wheels in anger and confusion. I also remember saying no to an amniocentesis. I remember being asked if abortion was an option.
Does THIS child look like she needed to be aborted??????!!!! Why did I even have that choice???! I thank God for us choosing to keep her. She is such a ball of light in this dark world to all of us!
Back to me (bawling in pew). I heard the Lord say, "THIS is where you need to be.". I need to be there for these lost, confused, and scared women to show them and tell them that there is different way! The doctors aren't the ones who know what their babies are capable of! "But there is a God in Heaven.." Who does!!
Father God, please forgive of the opportunities that you lay out for me that I do not always cease. Help me to be Your hands and feet so that I can bring honor to Your name. I love you. Amen.
Friday, January 13, 2012
The Beauty of Raising a Daughter
Molli. 
Simply adorable, little, "Baby Molli". It is so hard to believe that she is going to be 3 years old in a few short months! I am so overwhelming blessed by knowing the Lord and discovering through prayer, friends, scripture, and books what it really means to mother a child.. especially a daughter. I have no experience with sons, but maybe in the Lords time- I will. I DO have a little girl who will someday grow up to be a mother and (through the Grace of God) she will be a good one from learning from me. My job is to nurture her heart and to be a godly example that she can look up to and learn from. Only problem is, I'm not that great! haha! However, through constantly seeking the Lord and purposely sewing seeds into her heart- we can make this work! I trust in the Lord that He will make a way for my family as long as we stay faithful to Him.
She is such a special little ball of blessing to me. Every morning, this week, I have woken up to her clinging to my head, smiling at me, and sweetly cooing, "Mamaaa". She does this so I will wrap her in my arms and pray with her. And today, while I was loading the dishwasher, she crawls over to where I am and starts trying to help me. I watch her play with her "babies" and she holds and rocks them like a mother would. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that I have been starting to notice how helpful, nurturing, and "motherly" she has become. I had a conversation with my mother earlier this week about being able to see how children are raised through the way they act. I pray that my investment in my daughter's heart continue to grow her into a beautiful, Godly young woman and eventually a wonderful mother.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Ball of Sunshine!
This child is such a blessing to know!! She keeps us laughing with her silly little voices, faces, and interests!
This face cracks me up!!
We went to the public library today to get a few books to go along with her lessons this week and she had the best time!
Also, today while I was leading her little lesson- we BOTH had the time of our lives. It is so funny how worked up she gets if I work my self up! I have discovered the key to teaching Molli anything is to be extremely hysterical about it! I, in turn, looked like a crazy person- but she got it! It's amazing what loud silly voices, wiggly body movements, and a lot of high-fives can do! My throat still hurts from laughing. I would have taken a picture of her, but I didn't want to spoil the moment!
Ah, God is so awesome. I am looking forward to everything He has in store for us!
We went to the public library today to get a few books to go along with her lessons this week and she had the best time!
Ah, God is so awesome. I am looking forward to everything He has in store for us!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Renewal.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16
There are a lot of feelings, scriptures, etc. that I have been considering blogging for the past several days but couldn't put all of them together to make sense to anyone but myself (ha!). As I sat down at my laptop tonight the word "Renewal" hit me.. and then it all made sense (somewhat!)
This year, all 9 days of it, I have completely restructured my days and nights. I have read my Bible more, spent time in prayer more, and cut out t.v. all together so I could do so (and WOW what a difference that has made!)
My heart has been a little torn here lately between my love for photography and my family. So, yeah, I've kinda cut that out too. I have really been feeling in my heart that, for now, my focus needs to be on my relationship with God and my family. I will still do some on the side, when someone wants me to do their pictures, but I am not advertising heavily anymore.
How am I supposed to be a Titus 2 wife when I am vegged out in front of the t.v. or the computer?? How is my daughter supposed to learn her numbers,letters,shapes, and colors before she is 3 when I am always putting my focus on something else?
At first, my heart was troubled about all of that (Because I was being selfish). But the more that I let it go and turned it over to God, the less it troubled me. I feel as though a fire has been lit in my heart again! I am so eager to learn, to listen, to love, and to obey everything God word says! I have been reading a lot of blogs here lately, too, and realizing that I am not the only mom out there that feels like she fails miserably often! haha! Thanks be to God for his abundant love and mercy! Amen?!
So this week, I have started Molli on this 26 week preparatory curriculum for toddlers and preschoolers to teach her the basics (ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, animals). And I am super excited about that- so many awesome ideas going in and out of my head all day! Maybe that's why God had me work with 2 and 3 year olds at daycares for almost 3 years, huh?
And I have enrolled myself in an online 9 month Bible study course- Titus 2 University along with my personal goal of finishing the entire Bible by my birthday in two weeks! (I'm in Jeremiah! :-) )
New year.
New priorities.
New focus.
New-found faith in God that He will, in fact, make a way for my family!
Blessings to you all!
Romans 12:2
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16
There are a lot of feelings, scriptures, etc. that I have been considering blogging for the past several days but couldn't put all of them together to make sense to anyone but myself (ha!). As I sat down at my laptop tonight the word "Renewal" hit me.. and then it all made sense (somewhat!)
This year, all 9 days of it, I have completely restructured my days and nights. I have read my Bible more, spent time in prayer more, and cut out t.v. all together so I could do so (and WOW what a difference that has made!)
My heart has been a little torn here lately between my love for photography and my family. So, yeah, I've kinda cut that out too. I have really been feeling in my heart that, for now, my focus needs to be on my relationship with God and my family. I will still do some on the side, when someone wants me to do their pictures, but I am not advertising heavily anymore.
How am I supposed to be a Titus 2 wife when I am vegged out in front of the t.v. or the computer?? How is my daughter supposed to learn her numbers,letters,shapes, and colors before she is 3 when I am always putting my focus on something else?
At first, my heart was troubled about all of that (Because I was being selfish). But the more that I let it go and turned it over to God, the less it troubled me. I feel as though a fire has been lit in my heart again! I am so eager to learn, to listen, to love, and to obey everything God word says! I have been reading a lot of blogs here lately, too, and realizing that I am not the only mom out there that feels like she fails miserably often! haha! Thanks be to God for his abundant love and mercy! Amen?!
So this week, I have started Molli on this 26 week preparatory curriculum for toddlers and preschoolers to teach her the basics (ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, animals). And I am super excited about that- so many awesome ideas going in and out of my head all day! Maybe that's why God had me work with 2 and 3 year olds at daycares for almost 3 years, huh?
And I have enrolled myself in an online 9 month Bible study course- Titus 2 University along with my personal goal of finishing the entire Bible by my birthday in two weeks! (I'm in Jeremiah! :-) )
New year.
New priorities.
New focus.
New-found faith in God that He will, in fact, make a way for my family!
Blessings to you all!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Miracle Molli Storms the Castle!
This is such an amazingly beautiful day that the Lord has made! The crisp breeze flowing through the trees that causes the leaves to shower down among this playground area is a simply wonderful sight. My two year old's little voice laughing as she plays and climbs around is one of the sweetest sounds that I've ever heard. On top of all of that, seeing her push herself a little harder and accomplish things that she hasn't done before (like climb her way to the very top of the castle by herself) is enough to bring tears to my eyes. God is so wonderful to bless me with such an opportunity to see His work first-hand. Don't you just love him? :-)
Here are some pictures.
She is sweet, huh??
Here are some pictures.
Monday, January 2, 2012
God, You're Such an Amazing God..
... is what I repeated out loud today while standing in my kitchen, crying my eyes out.
I pray daily and read my Bible, but its not every day that I am bawling my eyes out giving Him the praise He deserves. So what brought on this sudden wave of rejoicing? Back up a bit.
New Years (morning.. about 2 a.m.) I decided to start reading a book between books (a goal of mine this year is to read a lot more books). So I went to my shelf of books that have been loaned to me and picked out Max Lucado's It's Not About Me. Amazing book if any of you are looking to read something that will put you back in the place God made you to be in. It is a 150 page book and I figured if I read 50 pages at a time I would have it finished quickly. Well, I finished it today and it really helped shed light on some things that I had been hanging on to.
See exhibit A: in one of the last chapters titled "My struggles are about God" (This whole book is about everything being about God and not about me)
This was a verse that was in the chapter:
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. (John 9:1-3 NIV)"
Many of you reading this know that I have a special needs child. I have never read this verse the way that I read it today. That is my story! Here I've been wondering why in the world Molli is like this and what did Ryan and I do that would have caused her to be this way? And then God said, "I made her for ME. Not YOU." Molli is such a joy to everyone who loves her and I know that God has an amazing plan for her future. I am so excited for her!
I dwelt on that passage all day and then, as I was standing at my countertop taking a drink of tea, I just started crying out to God and all I could say was "God, You're such an amazing God!!" Over and over.
It's NOT about Me
It's about God!
I love Jesus.. His Grace is amazing.
I pray daily and read my Bible, but its not every day that I am bawling my eyes out giving Him the praise He deserves. So what brought on this sudden wave of rejoicing? Back up a bit.
New Years (morning.. about 2 a.m.) I decided to start reading a book between books (a goal of mine this year is to read a lot more books). So I went to my shelf of books that have been loaned to me and picked out Max Lucado's It's Not About Me. Amazing book if any of you are looking to read something that will put you back in the place God made you to be in. It is a 150 page book and I figured if I read 50 pages at a time I would have it finished quickly. Well, I finished it today and it really helped shed light on some things that I had been hanging on to.
See exhibit A: in one of the last chapters titled "My struggles are about God" (This whole book is about everything being about God and not about me)
This was a verse that was in the chapter:
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. (John 9:1-3 NIV)"
Many of you reading this know that I have a special needs child. I have never read this verse the way that I read it today. That is my story! Here I've been wondering why in the world Molli is like this and what did Ryan and I do that would have caused her to be this way? And then God said, "I made her for ME. Not YOU." Molli is such a joy to everyone who loves her and I know that God has an amazing plan for her future. I am so excited for her!
I dwelt on that passage all day and then, as I was standing at my countertop taking a drink of tea, I just started crying out to God and all I could say was "God, You're such an amazing God!!" Over and over.
It's NOT about Me
It's about God!
I love Jesus.. His Grace is amazing.
Liebster Award
Anyway, in return I am to pass it to a few blogs that I love to read.
Cassie McLelland over at Beyond Measure is pretty special to me. Like me, she has a young child with Spina Bifida. But more important, like me, she is absolutely in love with Jesus. Her blog is very inspiring and I love to read it.
Kara Underwood over at Bryson's Blog is also another woman that inspires me. Her son is only a few months older than Molli and he, too, is battling Spina Bifida tooth and nail! Kara's committment to Bryson and trying to find him as much help as she can in our small area is very great. They are trying to raise money for treatment for him so if you feel like helping out- be sure to check her blog!
There are tons of other blogs and bloggers that I love and admire their hearts for Jesus! God Bless You all!
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