I have to wait and see..

"There is hope for me yet.. because God won't forget.. all the plans he's made for me.. I have to wait and see. He's not finished with me yet!" ~Brandon Heath


I have to constantly remind myself to be patient. I want to rush everything! Instead of just being happy in the moment.. I am constantly looking forward to the next step!
My biggest problem with being impatient is with my sweet little Molli. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this child with all that is within me.. but I always catch myself saying "Oh I can't wait until she does this.." or I can't wait until she does that..".
Tonight I went to Main Street Baptist Church for evening service.. but to my surprise it was a program for "Parent's Day Out". It was such a sweet little production and I caught myself wishing that Molli could be in stuff like that.. and then I caught myself thinking about how her Spina Bifida could potentially keep her from being apart of stuff like that. ((my eyes are watering with tears now)) And then.. that's when I got convicted! I need to be THANKFUL in EVERY circumstance in my life. My daughter is beautiful and perfect in God's eyes and I need to stop putting so many expectations on her. I pray for her daily and I know that God has a plan for her and that He put ME in it for a reason, too, so I need to be PATIENT!

Father God, I am so thankful to have such a faithful Lord that IS patient with his children although I do not deserve your patience. But, it is always there, as are You. Thank You. I love You!

Hurting Heart

My heart hurts tonight for a girl I know. And I am afraid that it is my fault. :-(
I never want to be the cause of someone's anger or hurt..but I am learning that as time goes by.. unintentionally or not.. it is going to happen.

Even over crazy little petty things such as "liking" someone's status on facebook. I had no idea this person's status was about anyone in particular.. i just liked the meaning of it about certain way's a mother should act. No clue it was aimed towards anyone. Well it was.. and that someone didn't appreciate my "liking" of this status.. as she made ever so clear in her following status update.. slandering me and my photography business. The more I thought about it.. I realized that I was not upset at all about the nasty things she was saying about me.. but the fact that I was partially to blame for her anger! This may seem dumb and immature ((because it is)) But my point is that I never meant to hurt anyone.. and I feel so bad for potentially being the reason someone sins in their heart.

As I was praying for this girl tonight, praying for my sinful heart, and reading my bible.. the Spirit lead me to Psalm 55.

and I was just so thankful for Lord's listening of my prayers and guidance with scripture:

But I will call on God,
and the Lord will rescue me.
Morning, noon, and night
I cry out in my distress,
and the Lord hears my voice.
He ransoms me and keeps me safe
from the battle waged against me,
though many still oppose me.
God, who has ruled forever,
will hear me and humble them.

I have sent this girl a message expressing my deepest concern and apologies.. which she has chosen to ignore. That's her business. But I am so thankful for my Lord and Savior for always forgiving me when I stumble, fall, and sin against Him. I am growing and learning so much.. and I know I fail miserably daily.. but he is always there to pick me up, dust me off, and set me back on the road he is leading me down.


I love you, Jesus.