Surrender

"God is calling us to surrender- a surrender that is so resolute, so final, that to lift our heads in defense or protest would seem ridiculous."- Stuck, Jennie Allen

 

While doing my study tonight, I read a section titled, "Little Crosses". It confronted me with a slap in the face so hard that my hands trembled as I clutched my mechanical pencil.

The following section was a list of places where freedom is found. One of which being, "releasing others' perceptions and understandings of me, and holding on to God's, since He knows my heart."
That is one of my main struggles (thus further reaffirming my heart that God put this study before me for a reason!)
Right or wrong, I have always deeply cared what people thought of me. I wish I didn't- but I do! So when I see my name being thrown around in wicked ways conducted by Satan- it makes me angry, sick to my stomach, anxious, sinful, and a whole mess of other emotions that are not God-honoring!
We don't physically carry crosses like Jesus did. Our crosses are our rights that we think we have.
The right to pursue happiness
The right to healthy babies
The right to be who you want to be
The right to hold a grudge when someone does you wrong

Right there. That's me! I have been metaphorically slapped in the face so many times by people I've loved- I have a hard time learning to let that go and truly forgive them!
But God says otherwise! He says to pick up your cross and follow Him!
How dare I ever think that I could just slide by suppressing my anger towards people and situations orchestrated by Satan himself!?

In yesterday's blog post I spoke of learning more and more about God and who He is.
Lessons learned today about God:
God really is bigger than any problem we are currently facing.
God cares enough to always be reaching out for us.
Through good times and bad times- God is still on his throne!

At the end of my life, it's not going to matter what a few people said about me in 2012- all that is going to matter to The Lord is how my heart was and if I truly love and trust Him enough to know that he holds me in the palm of his hand.

Stuck.

I haven't blogged in a long time though for a long time I have longed to blog. (Makes sense, huh?)
After many months of just keeping everything in my head and heart, I've decided to start pouring them back into writing because I've noticed that not only is it therapeutic to my soul, but it clarifies my inmost thoughts and encourages me along the way in my pursuit of God.
I have reached a point in my walk where I am just thirsty for some living water. Water that only comes from the Holy Spirit. I have tried to satisfy my thirst from drawing from other similar wells (group studies, fellowships- which can be good at certain seasons). But when it comes to filling my soul, it is not doing the trick- nor will it ever. I need Jesus. Plain and simple.
I need some serious one on one time with Him and while I was standing in Lifeway one day browsing the study section I came across a study book titled Stuck.
That is me!! I feel so stuck in a lot of areas of my life and desperately need The Lord to guide me out of them. I've decided to go this study alone because I really want to focus on God and Mitzi and the relationship restoration that is about to take place between the two. I am excited about it and confronted by it at the same time but I have always (since I've been saved) loved conviction and discipline because it reaffirms me that I AM His child that He loves and disciplines.
I will continue to journal this all out as I grow closer to The Lord.
I pray blessings to whoever reads this!