Christ Holds It All Together

Today while I was spending time with the Lord in my "quiet time", I asked for him to guide me and to direct me to the scripture that he wants my heart to soak up today. God is so good. This is from Colossians 1 in The Message Bible.


15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.
18-20 He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

21-23 You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message. I, Paul, am a messenger of this Message.

24-25 I want you to know how glad I am that it's me sitting here in this jail and not you. There's a lot of suffering to be entered into in this world—the kind of suffering Christ takes on. I welcome the chance to take my share in the church's part of that suffering. When I became a servant in this church, I experienced this suffering as a sheer gift, God's way of helping me serve you, laying out the whole truth.

26-29 This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open. God wanted everyone, not just Jews, to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing. The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory. It's that simple. That is the substance of our Message. We preach Christ, warning people not to add to the Message. We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less. That's what I'm working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.



I am so thankful for my Jesus and for his presence always being upon me! I pray for God's hand to guide me in everything that I do. Also, for His peace in my heart. Thank You, God, for the quiet time that I am able to have alone with you!

For this child I prayed

Oh boy, Did I ever!?

There are some things in life that some people consider "things that nobody can explain". Loss, anxiety, anger,.. the disability of a child. I am proud to say that I am NOT one of those people.. but will admit that I once was- Until I came to know God.

I was your typical young (lost) soul. I didn't have a firm Christian upbringing.. I lived the way I wanted to without thinking of the consequences. Now I wasn't a drug or alcohol addict or anything like that.. I just didn't put Christ first in my life.. which is just as bad as that other stuff.

Ryan and I were happy newlyweds, I worked the Church nursery, and had just started keeping my Pastor's kids everyday when I found out that we were expecting a baby! We were excited, but didn't want to be too excited until we got all of the facts straight (we had just lost a very early pregnancy- no physical pain, just extreme heartbreak.
We went to the doctor and she confirmed us as 8 weeks pregnant! I was so happy! We talked about what "the baby" would do, who "the baby" would like more, all of your typical first time parent hopes and dreams. At 12 weeks we heard the baby's heartbeat for the firt time. Dr. Spencer said the baby was "perfect". Words that I later felt as though they had jinxed us.
At 16 weeks, we went in to see our baby for the first time. A girl! Just as we expected! We were so excited! But the sono-tech wasn't as thrilled.. She left to room to get the doctor. Ryan and I glanced at each other nervously.. but reassured ourselves that this is probably normal. Dr. Carle comes in and takes a quick look at the screen and then walks over to us and says
"I really hate having to do this to patients that aren't mine.. and that I don't know.. but it looks like she has Spina Bifida."

Ryan's hand gripped my arm. I closed my eyes and felt the tears start to burn as they built up beneath my eyelids. "What is that?", Ryan asks. Dr. Carle goes on the explain about our baby possibly being paralyzed. All of our happy thoughts and dreams started crashing to the floor. Ryan and I cried.. hard. In saddness and in anger. There was a point in our crying where I even realized I was crying harder for him than our baby.. it was like I could handle our baby.. but not him crying. I felt so sorry. Like everything was my fault.

Over the next few days while we were waiting to go see a specialist to have her condition confirmed, we started telling our friends and family. It was very painful to grasp. My sister and best friend were both pregnant too.. with perfectly healthy babies. I felt so many feelings that I was ashamed of feeling. I felt like I was living in a nightmare.

Over the next few months of trying to cope with the fact that our child was going to have special needs.. I felt so bitter.. I loved my baby more than anything else, and I wanted the best for her.

One night, I was probably 6-7 months pregnant, I was walking around in her room, looking at all of her pretty things and sonogram pictures. And then for the first time in my life- I CRIED OUT TO GOD!

I dropped to my knees in her bedroom floor and hysterically cried and prayed to God for help! I needed peace! I NEEDED COMFORT. I needed to accept what had happened and I needed to move forward instead of dwelling in my self-pity!

Looking back now on the past two years when all of this happened, I look back with such joy and clarity. God used Molli. Ryan and I both have grown such much in faith! Molli was God's way of breaking me so that I would stop and see him! She is the most precious little person that I have ever encountered.. and I love that she helped me learn to love and appreciate Jesus.

I now have a daily, close relationship with Jesus! I can sense him in everything that I think and do. I love him! I have learned to accept God's will as good.. although at the time seemed bad.. but looking back at the WHOLE picture and seeing how much my family has grown together in the Lord. I just want to jump up and shout for joy!

Molli was prayed over HEAVILY during and after my pregnancy.. and through those prayers.. my trust and faith in God were strengthend.

Praise GOD!!

Glory to God!

Here lately it seems that everything I read (devotionals, Sunday school lesson, and Bible study) have all been steering me in the same direction.

That is so amazing to me. It is no coinsidence. That I am sure of! God is so good to me.. and the way he speaks to me and guides me is unlike anything else!

My heart is just beaming with joy as I type this! :-)

Accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior was by far the BEST thing I have done. Feeling his presence and grace in my heart is so wonderful!

We're in "week 2" of our Bible study and so far it has pretty much mirrored what my devotionals have been saying as well as my Sunday school study. Don't you just love when that happens? Like it was made specifically for your eyes to read so that your heart would soak it in? My Bible study today said "God's glory is the way He makes himself recognizable" Amen to that!

Thank You SO MUCH, Father, for making yourself recognizable in my life so that I can give you all of the glory and credit that you deserve!

Breaking Free

God is good.

There is so much on my heart that I want to share.. I just don't know where to begin! Perhaps I'll start with our Bible study. We're doing "Breaking Free'' by Beth Moore and we are in "week 1" of the study.. and let me be the first to tell you- wow!

This study was kind of spur of the moment (for us).. It went from a thought/wish expressed to one person and then BAM! "Next Thursday we'll start!".  I wanted to do "David" by Beth Moore.. but God had different plans.. and boy am I ever so grateful to Him! We have around 20 women in our study (which also is amazing!) But that is besides the point.. God has plans for me through this study. I have chains and demons that I need so much to "break free'' from and this is a great starting place.. and last night- I broke free of one of them!

All of my studies and lessons have been pointing me towards the right path- the path which Jesus made. I want to be like him. I need to be like him.  But how can I possibly be like him without surrendering all of my negative feelings towards those who have wronged me? I have battled this for quite sometime- and most likely will continue being treated the way that I am treated by these people.. the only difference is- I have FINALLY forgiven them and am prepared to move on from it!

But getting to this point wasn't easy! It finally came down to me (literally) crying out to God for help. How can He forgive me of everything I have done.. if I can't even forgive others for the things that they have done?

If I want to be more like Jesus- then I better start walking the walk!

Then- like water washing over me- I no longer felt hard feelings. I felt love. I felt forgiveness.

Praise God!

The Third Day song "Mountain of God" just came to mind. "Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard. You're the one who's gone before me, you will help me carry on.."

Another realization came to mind today as my friends and I traveled down hwy 110 between Tyler and Van. We were driving past Dover Baptist Church (one of the Churches that was tragically torched last year) and it really got me to thinking. At first, I had the usual angry thought "ugh, how could somebody do this!?" and I started thinking of all of the hateful things that I read on "Christian" blogs that Jesus' people were saying about those boys.. and how I, too, once thought the same things. But not today. Week 1- Day 3 in "Breaking Free" came to my mind- about King Ahaz and his awful, wicked reign. And How God wanted to show him proof.. God wanted King Ahaz to accept him and be saved.. even after all of the horrible things that King Ahaz did.. God still loved him and wanted to help him! And that got me thinking about those boys who were burning all of those churches down.  God DOES love them.. and he WANTS them to know him.
(1 Timothy 2:4)

I haven't heard anything lately about those boys.. but tonight I pray for them that they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior and ask for his cleansing of their sins.

Thank You, Father, for opening my eyes and heart so that I can see people the way you do! Amen!

Following the directions He gives to my heart

I have a little testimony to share.

I say "little" but it really wasn't little..

God put it on my heart to step out of my personal boundaries. My insecurites. My doubts. My fears. None of them matter when it comes to doing what God tells you to. Not a single one of them.

I have prayed so hard that He open the eyes of my heart and use me.

There is a local family that is grieving the impending loss of a baby in their family. I say impending because he was diagnosed a week ago with a terminal illness.. one of which the oldest that anyone has ever lived once diagnosed is 2 yrs old.. This baby is 7 months.  It is so heartbreaking to imagine losing a baby to such circumstances. Finding words of comfort is hard when I, myself, have never had to lay my own child to rest.

I have battled spiritual battles though with my child being diagnosed with a crippling condition.. So I am familiar with anger. Questions of why a child has to suffer. Why someone who didn't want a child has perfectly healthy babies. Things I will not understand for a while. But I have learned that through my trials and tribulations- you first have to be broken before you are used. (Matthew 26:7)

So, anyways, God put it on my heart to reach out to this family. I have such a fear of rejection! And it is not exactly an easy thing to reach out and try to spread God's good news to a family who are in a sitiuation that you haven't personally been through yourself. Anyways, on the whole drive over there I turned off my radio and began talking to God. I admitted my fears and my need of his presence for this "mission" that He has sent me on. I prayed and asked of him to equip me with His Spirit (Hebrews 13:20-21). While I was waiting on the family to get there, I began talking to a close friend of the family. I expressed my intentions to pray with the family and to hopefully help them through the sharing of God's good news. She was symphathetic of my concerns but also cautioned me.. seeing as they just found out a week ago about their baby's illness. She went on to tell me a few details of their worries and angry, broken hearts. I immediately felt that fear rising in my chest. But I held fast and decided to continue to let God use me. I decided that I would much rather leave being rejected by the family than to leave feeling as though I ,myself, had rejected God's commands.  So I visited with the family for a bit as they sat up for their bake sale.. and then I decided that now was the time. I stepped out and asked if it were okay if I prayed with them? Much to my surprise, they were very coopertive! They all gathered around me as we all held hands and I prayed over them all and their family.

The lesson that I learned is that nothing is too big for the Almighty God. He sees my hearts desires and he also sees it's fear. God calls us to step out of our comfort zones in order for us to be used to spread his Glory!

Thank you, Father. You are so good to me. I am so honored that you chose me. Your grace and love means so much to me. And the thought of it always being offered to me, without question, just amazes me! I love you so much and I know that you love me! You have a plan for me. And I am willing to accept anything that you put on my heart. Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness of my sins and shortcomings.  In Your Son's name I pray.. AMEN.

How evident is His hand in my life?!

Who likes daily devotionals? I do! In fact, I read two a day! Both speak from and to my heart so much that it just amazes me how great our God is. He knew me long before I was born. He skilled and guided the authors of these two devotionals (one of which was published long before I was born and that I now read daily) to speak volumes to my heart and to remind me of his everlasting presence in my life!

 

My devo. #2- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young- Jan. 14

LET ME BLESS YOU with My grace and Peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view is as the optimal condition for being filled with my Peace.
It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look as if you have it all together. Your attempts to look good can fool most people. But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being. There is no place for pretense in your relationship with Me. Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood. Talk with Me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Little by little, I will transform your weaknesses into strengths. Remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace. Therefore, NOTHING THAT YOU DO OR DON'T DO CAN SEPARATE YOU FROM MY PRESENCE.

Father God, I am listening. I hear and feel you calling me.. and I am so thankful and honored to feel you in my heart! Thank you so much for Your mercy and grace! You are so good to me!