I say "little" but it really wasn't little..
God put it on my heart to step out of my personal boundaries. My insecurites. My doubts. My fears. None of them matter when it comes to doing what God tells you to. Not a single one of them.
I have prayed so hard that He open the eyes of my heart and use me.
There is a local family that is grieving the impending loss of a baby in their family. I say impending because he was diagnosed a week ago with a terminal illness.. one of which the oldest that anyone has ever lived once diagnosed is 2 yrs old.. This baby is 7 months. It is so heartbreaking to imagine losing a baby to such circumstances. Finding words of comfort is hard when I, myself, have never had to lay my own child to rest.
I have battled spiritual battles though with my child being diagnosed with a crippling condition.. So I am familiar with anger. Questions of why a child has to suffer. Why someone who didn't want a child has perfectly healthy babies. Things I will not understand for a while. But I have learned that through my trials and tribulations- you first have to be broken before you are used. (Matthew 26:7)
So, anyways, God put it on my heart to reach out to this family. I have such a fear of rejection! And it is not exactly an easy thing to reach out and try to spread God's good news to a family who are in a sitiuation that you haven't personally been through yourself. Anyways, on the whole drive over there I turned off my radio and began talking to God. I admitted my fears and my need of his presence for this "mission" that He has sent me on. I prayed and asked of him to equip me with His Spirit (Hebrews 13:20-21). While I was waiting on the family to get there, I began talking to a close friend of the family. I expressed my intentions to pray with the family and to hopefully help them through the sharing of God's good news. She was symphathetic of my concerns but also cautioned me.. seeing as they just found out a week ago about their baby's illness. She went on to tell me a few details of their worries and angry, broken hearts. I immediately felt that fear rising in my chest. But I held fast and decided to continue to let God use me. I decided that I would much rather leave being rejected by the family than to leave feeling as though I ,myself, had rejected God's commands. So I visited with the family for a bit as they sat up for their bake sale.. and then I decided that now was the time. I stepped out and asked if it were okay if I prayed with them? Much to my surprise, they were very coopertive! They all gathered around me as we all held hands and I prayed over them all and their family.
The lesson that I learned is that nothing is too big for the Almighty God. He sees my hearts desires and he also sees it's fear. God calls us to step out of our comfort zones in order for us to be used to spread his Glory!
Thank you, Father. You are so good to me. I am so honored that you chose me. Your grace and love means so much to me. And the thought of it always being offered to me, without question, just amazes me! I love you so much and I know that you love me! You have a plan for me. And I am willing to accept anything that you put on my heart. Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness of my sins and shortcomings. In Your Son's name I pray.. AMEN.
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