Spilling my Heart Out..

I'm not even sure where to begin or what to even title this post. I just know that this is on my heart so heavily! So.. I'm going to just pour my heart out.
A few weeks ago, I read Max Lucado's It's Not About Me. (I know that I have already blogged about that.. But please bear with me!) In the chapter titled "My struggles are about Him", Max talked about John 9:1-5
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." (John 9:1-5 NIV)"
That hit me like a ton of bricks. (or so I thought)
WELL, this week, my mother and I were discussing Molli and her progress that she has made. My mom said something along the lines of, "I just don't understand why babies are born this way. I mean, why even make them that way at all? I just don't understand it." and I was quick to share with her John 9:1-5. I actually had my bible out in my lap in the car while she was driving us to my sister's house and I read that to her. Then, as I read "..so that the works of God might be displayed in him" a tidal wave of His spirit rushed over me and I saw (in my mind) a video of Molli walking in her walker with her therapist. Then I exclaimed to my mother, "so that the works of God might be displayed in him!!! Look at Molli! When people see her standing and walking in that video, they see a MIRACLE from GOD!! He does not think like us! I, personally, think it is an awesome honor for Molli to be such a vessel!" and she agreed. My point is, people all over this country have seen pictures of her and have seen the videos that I have posted and seen what miracles God has done! How can we look at her and not see Him??
Today, during church, our Sunday school lesson and sermon were out of Psalm 139 because it is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I was given this verse before Molli was born. She has this verse hanging in her room. This is my "Molli verse"! We were shown a presentation from Hope Pregnancy Center to provide awareness of the ministry and of the devastating facts of abortions done each year in the U.S.
This ministry is here to provide counseling, awareness, and ministering to pregnant women who may or may not be considering abortion. This message really impacted me. ((I cried the whole service)). I remember being pregnant, scared, and uncertain of what was going on inside of me. I remember finding out that something was wrong with my baby. I remember Ryan's tears, raw emotions, and the punching of steering wheels in anger and confusion. I also remember saying no to an amniocentesis. I remember being asked if abortion was an option.
Does THIS child look like she needed to be aborted??????!!!! Why did I even have that choice???! I thank God for us choosing to keep her. She is such a ball of light in this dark world to all of us!
Back to me (bawling in pew). I heard the Lord say, "THIS is where you need to be.". I need to be there for these lost, confused, and scared women to show them and tell them that there is different way! The doctors aren't the ones who know what their babies are capable of! "But there is a God in Heaven.." Who does!!
Father God, please forgive of the opportunities that you lay out for me that I do not always cease. Help me to be Your hands and feet so that I can bring honor to Your name. I love you. Amen.