Broken.

It is late. I am yawning. Tear stains are dried on my face.

I received a text late this evening that my sister was going to the hospital because she was heavily bleeding. They didn't go much into detail, but I assumed it was because she was passing her miscarried child.

*sigh*

Losing a child is such a heart wrenching experience. Whether you were pregnant 1 month or 9.. it still hurts. Dreams and goals.. never to be fulfilled. Only emptiness and disbelief.

My heart hurts for my sister. I have empathy for her because I have been there. Although my pregnancy was considered a "Chemical Pregnancy" because the misscarraige took place so early (less than 5 weeks)that there was very little pain and I had only discovered my pregnancy while I was in fact miss-carrying. It still hurt. My heart was shattered. From the minute I received that "Positive" on that pregnancy test to the moment the nurse informed me what was going on- everyone I knew knew that I was pregnant. I was thrilled beyond my mind. My husband and I had only been married for a few months and now we were expecting our first child!

Then came the news that the reason I was spotting was because I was losing the baby. I will never forget the pain, the cries, and the raw emotions.

I, of course, wasn't where I am now in my Spiritual Walk so I didn't fully understand that God has a plan and that although temporarily His plan might seem wrong for me (to me)- It's not. God knows every hair on my head and knew what was going to happen long before he made me.

Shortly after my misscarraige, we conceived Molli. Most of you know the struggles and trials we went through with her.

In the midst of all of that heartache, God broke me. I needed to be broken. Completely humbled, laying everything at his feet before he could truly use me. Like the expensive alabaster jar of perfume that the sinful woman broke to pour over Jesus' head. It had to be broken before it was used. So did I.

My prayer is that others who experience pain, loss, trials, and tribulations seek God in the midst of it all and grow to know Him. All things DO happen for a reason.

I know I will see my baby someday. In the meantime, I am finding my strength while I wait upon the Lord.