Moved at Momheart & New Outlook on Friendship

So, as most of you know, I got to go to the Mom Heart Conference this past weekend. It was my first time to get to go because of my child needing me every single day of the year ((I soon learned though how much I need her too!))
I mainly wanted to go because I thought that maybe if I go and do everything with my friends, maybe it could make me closer to my friends- that didn't really happen though. But what God showed me through that entire experience was so much more than I could have ever imagined and I walked away with a renewed heart on fire- which turned out to be what I have really been needing this entire time.
I learned that it is good to have friends, but to not put your friendships before The Lord. God even went so far as to put me in a real life situation to illustrate what he has been trying to tell me- and two days after it happened it hit me like a ton of bricks and all I could do was just praise Him and give him glory for that. So here is that little story:
Friday morning we all loaded up to go to Irving for the conference. Since I couldn't be away from my child, I had to take her with me as well as my mom to hang out with her in our hotel room. A friend decided to ride with us so I wouldn't be too much out of the group that was going and we followed another friend who was hauling the rest of the group in her vehicle. Now, I love that friend dearly and she is one of the biggest encouragements in my life- but she drives extremely fast! (Haha!) I had no idea where I was going once we got into Dallas and was trying to find her who was always 6 or 7 cars ahead of me. Everyone in my car was in a panic, as was I. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. We lost her. So I had to pull over while we tried to reach her and some others in her car to see where they were going. No real luck there either. So I decided to google the conference and get the directions from the site and punch it in on my GPS. Once we did that, we were there within 5 minutes.
What The Lord showed me from that situation really came to me Sunday between church services and it went something like this:
There I was trying to get where I need to go (Jesus) but I was trying to follow someone who was way ahead of me (my friend) so much that I couldn't pay attention to anything going on around me- thus putting me and my carload in danger. Whereas, if I would have just stuck to my map (the bible) and really payed attention to everything God was doing in my own life- I would get to Jesus with much less frustration. Though we are on the same path to The Lord, she is far more mature than me and has different convictions too. So my lesson was to seek Jesus myself and to stop trying to compare myself to others- no matter how awesome and sweet they are to you. God's plans for you may be different than His plans for them and I would hate for you to miss out on the blessings He has for you because you were too busy trying to be someone else other than who he created you to be.

That was just one of the many things that I gleaned from that weekend. I know that since then, I have been so much more faithful to not just know the word but to actually BE in the word. And I am already seeing fruit! It is so amazing what God does when you lay everything at his feet and tell him "do with this/me what you want!"
As far as friendships go, Molli and I (she now LOVES for me to read her the bible.. This morning she flat out said "I want you to read bible to me!!!") were reading out of Mark chapter 2 the other day and there was a devotional at the top of the page about friends with special needs and them importance of including them in worship and being good friends to them. For those who may not know that story, Jesus was teaching in this house and all these people gathered around. Well there was this paralyzed guy and his friends were so motivated and dedicated to bringing their friend to Jesus that they cut a hole in the roof and lowered him down on a mat so that Jesus could heal him. Now THAT is a friendship. Loving your friends so much that when you see that they have a need- take them to Jesus! And that goes for any need! When I first read that devotional, it made me start hoping that my disabled child have those kinds of friends as she grows up. But NOW I am like, "wow! We ALL need those kinds of friends!". Instead of wanting to discuss my problems with friends and get their sympathy or understanding- I want them to point me to Jesus. Even if its to carry me on a mat and drop me through the roof! Haha!
Moral of my post:
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. That's all I need. HE will make everything else fall into where HE wants them to be!!
Blessings to you all!

Surrender

"God is calling us to surrender- a surrender that is so resolute, so final, that to lift our heads in defense or protest would seem ridiculous."- Stuck, Jennie Allen

 

While doing my study tonight, I read a section titled, "Little Crosses". It confronted me with a slap in the face so hard that my hands trembled as I clutched my mechanical pencil.

The following section was a list of places where freedom is found. One of which being, "releasing others' perceptions and understandings of me, and holding on to God's, since He knows my heart."
That is one of my main struggles (thus further reaffirming my heart that God put this study before me for a reason!)
Right or wrong, I have always deeply cared what people thought of me. I wish I didn't- but I do! So when I see my name being thrown around in wicked ways conducted by Satan- it makes me angry, sick to my stomach, anxious, sinful, and a whole mess of other emotions that are not God-honoring!
We don't physically carry crosses like Jesus did. Our crosses are our rights that we think we have.
The right to pursue happiness
The right to healthy babies
The right to be who you want to be
The right to hold a grudge when someone does you wrong

Right there. That's me! I have been metaphorically slapped in the face so many times by people I've loved- I have a hard time learning to let that go and truly forgive them!
But God says otherwise! He says to pick up your cross and follow Him!
How dare I ever think that I could just slide by suppressing my anger towards people and situations orchestrated by Satan himself!?

In yesterday's blog post I spoke of learning more and more about God and who He is.
Lessons learned today about God:
God really is bigger than any problem we are currently facing.
God cares enough to always be reaching out for us.
Through good times and bad times- God is still on his throne!

At the end of my life, it's not going to matter what a few people said about me in 2012- all that is going to matter to The Lord is how my heart was and if I truly love and trust Him enough to know that he holds me in the palm of his hand.

Stuck.

I haven't blogged in a long time though for a long time I have longed to blog. (Makes sense, huh?)
After many months of just keeping everything in my head and heart, I've decided to start pouring them back into writing because I've noticed that not only is it therapeutic to my soul, but it clarifies my inmost thoughts and encourages me along the way in my pursuit of God.
I have reached a point in my walk where I am just thirsty for some living water. Water that only comes from the Holy Spirit. I have tried to satisfy my thirst from drawing from other similar wells (group studies, fellowships- which can be good at certain seasons). But when it comes to filling my soul, it is not doing the trick- nor will it ever. I need Jesus. Plain and simple.
I need some serious one on one time with Him and while I was standing in Lifeway one day browsing the study section I came across a study book titled Stuck.
That is me!! I feel so stuck in a lot of areas of my life and desperately need The Lord to guide me out of them. I've decided to go this study alone because I really want to focus on God and Mitzi and the relationship restoration that is about to take place between the two. I am excited about it and confronted by it at the same time but I have always (since I've been saved) loved conviction and discipline because it reaffirms me that I AM His child that He loves and disciplines.
I will continue to journal this all out as I grow closer to The Lord.
I pray blessings to whoever reads this!

Wrestling with Sin

There is so much on my heart. Lots of struggles and lots of prayers. The Lord is molding me and shaping me into who He wants me to be and for me- its not such an easy task. Yet.. I am holding on the best that I can. I know spiritual warfare is not a new thing and I know that the closer I get to where I need to be- the more Satan tries to attack me.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 
I Peter 5:8-9 

 Nobody said this was easy. In fact, the Bible says in Romans 3, "There is no one righteous, not even one." and then skip down a little and it says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,^[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith."

I know that I am a sinner. God knows it.  I also know that God can not look on sin so I am constantly praying and asking for his gracious forgiveness because what is the point of praying if your heart is not right with God and he won't hear you? (John 9:31) I have been praying diligently and desperately for the Lord to rid me of the sin and things that make me sin. I am exhausted from the fighting and I am so tired of feeling like I am dodging bullets. But.. I press on! Why? Because the Bible tells us to!

Today in church, we sang "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin, and we sang out "You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same!". That is me and a half. I don't deserve this.. but He loves me so much that He is willing to always forgive me when I call out to him begging for his grace and forgiveness.

 While flipping through My Utmost for His Highest yesterday, I came across an entry titled "Wrestling Before God". Here is a little excerpt that really moved me:

You must learn to wrestle against the things that hinder your communication with God 

Today, while driving, I was dwelling on my situation with sin and what wrestling it really felt like for me. Then I started thinking of my husband always watching UFC fighting ((That I normally detest)) and I started to parallel my battle with sin with the battle that the Ultimate Fighter's experience. We are constantly making jabs and blows at each other. A few cuts and bruises on each of us. We each have a coach/trainer in our corner. But my coach is awesome. He sees me growing weary and He sits me down, dries the blood and sweat from my brow, gives me a drink of His living water, and then sends me back out to fight some more- eventually claiming victory over my enemy. He has my back. 

Oh, how I love Him!

It Is Well

My little neck of the woods experienced a little flooding today. This is my street. I wish I were a little kid so I could play in that without feeling weird! LOL

As I took these pictures with my cell phone, I heard "When peace like a river attendeth my way.." being sung in my mind and so for the most part of the morning, I dwelt on that song and what it meant to me. I thought of how faithful God is and how every time I earnestly seek Him, he is already there waiting to engulf me with His overwhelming peace. Like a river, His grace washes over me. He is so worthy.

Covered.

Today I experienced something so sweet and profound in my life. After
months and months of fear, helplessness, and discouragement- I witnessed God's amazing hand cover me up and protect me from it all.
Standing inches from the fire, about to be thrown into it, and *poof* it gets blown out. I walked away not even smelling like smoke!
God you're such an amazing God to hear the cries of Your children. Your grace is sufficient. I love you.

Are you running circles or walking a straight path?

"But a heart that refuses to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit will not change, no matter how hard you pray."- Stormie Omartian

As I read this tonight, I felt compelled to share it.
How often do you pray your heart out for something that YOU want instead of what the Lord wants? You don't see any significant changes because it's not what God had in mind.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways.” [This is] the Lord’s declaration. “For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”—Isaiah 55:8–9
If we continue to seek our own paths instead of the path the Spirit leads us down, I am afraid that we will only run in circles.
"in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.". (Proverbs 3:6 NIV)
We were created for His purpose.. So let's glorify His great Name! Amen.